Family in Need...

There have been so many times that our Spirit-FM family has risen up to care for those with immediate needs. This is one of those times when I pray you will be able to help out. I received an email about a family with immediate needs following a house fire. Here is a list of things they could use to get back on their feet:

A Couch
A Dinner table (Hopefully to fit a family of 7)
2 single beds (for girls if it makes a difference)
Bedding (single size beds, one queen size)
Bathroom items
Small kitchen appliances, like a toaster, coffee maker, can opener,
etc. (major appliances are taken care of)
Clothes Hangers
Shelves
Any storage type containers for the kitchen
6 interior doors

And if anyone is willing to help donate for paint products or flooring
products, it would be a MAJOR blessing!


The family told me that they do not need fancy things - they would appreciate any and all offers!!

If you can help out in any way, please email me: fred@spiritfm.org or call me at the Spirit-FM Studio...800-606-3299. Thank you so much for your help, my Spirit-FM family!!!

His,

-Fredly.

Expiration Checkup...

Certain items in your house practically scream “toss me” when their prime has passed. That mysterious extra white layer on the Cheddar? A sure sign it needs to be put out of its misery. Chunky milk? Down the drain it goes - the following are expiration dates of everyday items:

Brown sugar - Indefinite shelf life, stored in a moisture proof container in a cool, dry place.

Chocolate (Hershey bar) - 1 year from production date

Coffee, canned ground - Unopened: 2 years Opened: 1 month refrigerated

Coffee, gourmet - Beans: 3 weeks in paper bag, longer in vacuum-seal bag (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)
Ground: 1 week in sealed container

Coffee, instant - Unopened: Up to 2 years Opened: Up to 1 month

Diet soda (and soft drinks in plastic bottles) - Unopened: 3 months from "best by" date. Opened: Doesn't spoil, but taste is affected.

Dried pasta - 12 months

Frozen dinners - Unopened: 12 to 18 months

Frozen vegetables - Unopened: 18 to 24 months Opened: 1 month

Honey - Indefinite shelf life

Juice, bottled (apple or cranberry) - Unopened: 8 months from production date
Opened: 7 to 10 days

Ketchup - Unopened: 1 year (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.) Opened or used: 4 to 6 months (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)

Maple syrup, real or imitation - 1 year

Maraschino cherries - Unopened: 3 to 4 years Opened: 2 weeks at room temperature; 6 months refrigerated

Marshmallows - Unopened: 40 weeks Opened: 3 months

Mayonnaise - Unopened: Indefinitely Opened: 2 to 3 months from “purchase by” date (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)

Mustard - 2 years (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)

Olives, jarred (green with pimento) - Unopened: 3 years Opened: 3 months

Olive oil - 2 years from manufacture date (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)

Peanuts - Unopened: 1 to 2 years unless frozen or refrigerated Opened: 1 to 2 weeks in airtight container

Peanut butter, natural - 9 months

Peanut butter, processed (Jif) - Unopened: 2 years Opened: 6 months; refrigerate after 3 months

Pickles - Unopened: 18 months Opened: No conclusive data. Discard if slippery or excessively soft.
Protein bars (PowerBars) - Unopened: 10 to 12 months. Check "best by" date on the package.

Rice, white - 2 years from date on box or date of purchase

Salad dressing, bottled - Unopened: 12 months after "best by" date Opened: 9 months refrigerated

Soda, regular - Unopened: In cans or glass bottles, 9 months from "best by" date
Opened: Doesn't spoil, but taste is affected

Steak sauce - 33 months (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)

Tabasco - 5 years, stored in a cool, dry place

Tea bags (Lipton) - Use within 2 years of opening the package

Tuna, canned - Unopened: 1 year from purchase date Opened: 3 to 4 days, not stored in can

Soy sauce, bottled - Unopened: 2 years Opened: 3 months (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.)

Vinegar 42 months - Wine (red, white) Unopened: 3 years from vintage date; 20 to 100 years for fine wines Opened: 1 week refrigerated and corked

Worcestershire sauce - Unopened: 5 to 10 years (After this time, color or flavor may be affected, but product is still generally safe to consume.) Opened: 2 years

This was just TOO funny not to share!

How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood…

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs. (If LEGOs are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 mo. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers.

Just because it doesn't make the show, doesn't mean it's not funny...

Thought I'd share some things today that might not make the show, but they sure have put a smile on my face - and you might even be able to relate a little bit. I sure love you, and am glad that you have allowed my family to be a part of yours! Have a truly blessed day!

-Fredly.

(And now - on to the silliness!)

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"Bath Note"

Dear Kids,

Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath. It will take about thirty minutes and will involve soap and water. Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for. (Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

Don't panic if I'm not out right on time. I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory. While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things. The large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice. I promise that even though you can't see me, I *am* on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago. I didn't mean it. Honest. There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day.

"Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer. I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.

Believe it or not, shouting, "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom door will *not* make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a message. Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil. Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can't send him to school with telephone number tattoos.

Water makes me wet, not deaf. I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball. I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I'm *choosing* NOT to answer you.

Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom. He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it more this time. Trust me.

No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful. I remember who you are and why you are grounded. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the bathroom. If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait. Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.

Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked. Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies. This is reality, the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them. Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there is an emergency.

Emergencies ARE:

1. Dad has fallen off the roof.
2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.

Emergencies are NOT:

1. Dad has fallen asleep.
2. Someone on TV is bleeding.
3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.

One other thing: Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots. In the future, when the tub overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in the house. For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay? No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever. Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.

By the way, all Play-Doh experiments are hereby canceled.

Be good. Entertain yourselves. Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table.

I'll be out soon. Maybe.

Love,

Your Mom

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”Flying Star”

It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II.

He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp. The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain.

Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "Ahh soo, you only make one velly impoltant mistake!"

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Okay - I can't make them ALL funny - read this, and think on it a little bit!

In the Old Testament book of Malachi 3:3 we read: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith,
'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over him or her; and, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.

'Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.'

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Have a blessed day, and catch you next time!

-Fredly.

Happy Wednesday! Welcome to the Summer heat!

Whew! I'm glad that I'm shedding pounds - it's hot out there! I know - I'm whining, and we haven't gotten anywhere NEAR the hottest part of the summer. I guess I still have enough Colorado blood in my veins that I thrive in the Winter!

Today I thought I'd just kinda give you a couple of funny family stories. You're actually getting these before the air audience, because I won't be sharing these on the air until later today!

Have a very blessed day, and I'll catch you on the radio later!

-Fredly..

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Today’s “Logan” Story…

Dinner time can be a real adventure when you have small children. Between trying to get one to eat her vegetables or the other one from trying to store macaroni in his nose – you’ve got to be on guard.

Last night we all just stopped and had to laugh. Logan was drinking some iced tea from a sippy, and he spilled a drop on the table. It must have been some great tea, because our son proceeded to bend down and SUCK the tea off of the table top!

It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in I don’t know how long.

I’m gonna have to start calling him “slurpee” or something…

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Today’s “Ashleigh” Story…

We had another surprise from Ashleigh last night. She was riding bicycles with one of her little friends, and decided to try something new. Ash still has the training wheels on her little bike, but her friend doesn’t. Ashleigh comes bursting through the front door with a mile-wide grin and her little eyes just all lit up, saying, “Mommy! Daddy! I rode a bike on two wheels!”

Julie and I looked at each other and followed our daughter out the door, and sure enough – she had taught herself how to ride on two wheels with only a little help from her friend.

She’s not sure she’s ready to let go of the training wheels on her own bike, but I’m sure it’s going to be soon…

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Today’s “Julie” Story…

My wife works hard. All day, every day – she’s hard at it, just to keep up with our children.

Today she got up, scrubbed out and re-inflated their little swimming pool, filled it – one bucket at a time from the kitchen sink, and got it all clean and ready for them to go swimming. She tracked down the kids, wrestled them into their swimsuits and got their pool toys together, and set them outside for a little splish-splashing.

And after about forty-five seconds in the water, both kids decided to so play in the dirt and rocks…soaking wet.

Yeah – my kids are the ones that will look at $100 in toys at Christmas and play with the cardboard boxes, too…

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OH - ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT NOTE - PLEASE READ THE STORY BELOW, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR LITTLE ONES ARE STILL SLEEPING IN A CRIB!

Maker Recalls About 320,000 Cribs

About 320,000 cribs sold at Toys R Us, Babies R Us, KidsWorld and Geoffrey Stores may not be safe.

The maker, Jardine Enterprises, recalled them because wooden crib slats and spindles can break, creating a gap, which can pose an entrapment and strangulation hazard to infants.

Many different styles and finishes are included in the recall, and a full list can be found at JardineCribRecall.com.

The cribs were sold January 2002 through May 2008 for between $150 and $300. One model, the Mahogany Positano Lifetime Crib, sold for $450.

A news release said consumers should immediately stop using the recalled cribs and contact Jardine to receive a full credit toward the purchase of a new crib.

Owners can call Jardine at (800) 646-4106 or visit the Web site for more information.

Today’s Tip for Spouses…

How many of us really have involved our spouse in our prayer life? I mean, how many of us really take or MAKE the time to pray together with our spouse? I know that’s something that my wife and I do, but we need to be more consistent about it.

Take the time…even make the time if you need to – to pray with your spouse!

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Today’s “Logan” Story…

Sunday night after supper, we gave Logan a couple of sandwich cookies. He’s already got the routine down with those. He takes them apart, and goes straight for that yummy icing. After he had all the icing gone, he was left with two little chocolate cookies, and two little vanilla cookies. So Logan did what any imaginative little boy would do – he built a stack of cookies, and proceeded to cram them into his mouth. I looked over at him and just had to laugh! Here’s my son, with his little glucose Big Mac, and he’s just chomping and swinging his little feet in the high chair – a picture of contentment.

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Today’s “Daddy” Story…

My wife had a retreat for her Mothers of Preschoolers group this past weekend, so I had the kids by myself Friday night and all day Saturday. As always – it was an adventure. It started out with chasing Logan all over creation and explaining to my daughter that it was wrong to pick the neighbor’s flowers when they weren’t home. Then we let Logan play in his room while Ashleigh and I cleaned HER room (which looked like a twister had been through). Naturally, while we cleaned Ashleigh’s room, Logan demolished his. *sigh* Corndogs and Macaroni, chasing my son and telling him “no, we don’t climb on that,” and keeping an eye on Ashleigh while she played outside with her friends – I had to come back to work to get a break!

All I can say is, my wife is one amazing woman to be able to keep up with our children the way she does. I mean, she does this every day, and I’m pooped after a day and a half!

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Today’s “Ashleigh” Story…

I’m sure that if you have preschoolers in your home, you’ve had them do things that just make you shake your head and wonder, “What could they POSSIBLY have been thinking?” Okay – maybe that’s just kids in general. Well, this weekend I had one of those moments with my daughter, Ashleigh. It’s the first time I’ve had to deal with the issue, and naturally – it was when my wife was gone on a MOPS retreat. Ashleigh was playing outside, and her friends all had to go inside for supper. So, being the creative little four-year-old, she decided she would make a pretend cake, and so she set out to find the proper decorations. Her final decision – a bouquet of pretty yellow daisies. And so she picked a bunch of them. The problem – they weren’t from our flower bed. No, she had plucked the flowers from our neighbor’s flower bed, and to make it worse – they weren’t even home. Sooooo, I had to do the whole, “explaining why it’s not right to take things without asking” speal, and had to play the hard-nosed Daddy for a while. And girls when they do something wrong – did you know that? Yeah – they feel bad, and so they cry, which makes big, mean old Daddy feel awful. *sigh* Well, I know I did the right thing in correcting her, and she later repented to her friends, so all’s well.

Kids – What an adventure, huh?

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Just a quick update on my fitness program progress - As of today, I've dropped another 6 pounds! For those of you keeping score...that's 19 pounds total. God's really blessing me on this! I want to sincerely thank all of you who have called or emailed in your support! It truly means a lot to me! I thank you for your prayers, and certainly ask you to continue to pray for me. I know that God has brought me to this place, and I can see His blessings flow, so I'm really motiviated! Thanks again!

Have a blessed day!

-Fredly.

Heavy and Light Today...

First - THE HEAVY.

How are you doing with the "kindness factor"? Are you aware of your tone of voice when you speak to your spouse? Are you thinking about how they’re doing before you speak to them? We need to be appreciative of our spouse and the things that may or may not be going on with them, and be sure to be kind when we speak.

Today think about what you can do or say that would encourage your spouse and just generally be seen as a gesture of kindness!

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 NIV

AND NOW - the light!

Lame Excuses for Not Going to the Gym

I'm trapped in my recliner.

I didn't want to increase my carbon footprint by driving to the gym.

I can't leave the TV without knowing if Gilligan and the rest ever get off that island.

The parking is so bad, I have to walk over 15 feet to get to the door.

It doesn’t work for me. The chicks just aren't interested in a fat guy sitting on the bench press eating pies.

Buon Apetito!

-Fredly.